The Kidd In The Arena

For the longest time I never believed in myself. I didn’t believe I had any value or worth. Or capable of stepping out from behind a shadow. Thought that the only thing that I added to the world was being who I was related to. Felt, as well as put enormous pressure on myself, to live up to what was “expected” of me, and I tried to live up to their narrative. Ultimately, I learned that was not how I wanted to live. And, if I kept at it, it probably would’ve destroyed me. 

It’s insanely unfair to put that kind of pressure on someone or on yourself. All because of their name or who they’re related to. You should treat all people the same. Of course everyone’s stories and circumstances are different. 

There is a MAJOR DIFFERENCE between LOOKING at a picture and PAINTING one. You can easily say that this person had an advantage because of who they’re related to or who they know. Yeah. 100% that’s completely fair. But you can’t ever judge a book by its cover. That person still has to walk through that door on their own. They still have to prove themself. I am a firm believer in working hard for everything. I also believe that the best things in life are the things that we work the hardest for. Admittedly, I wasn’t always of this mindset. But things happened that totally changed my perspective. Every difficult time, every challenge, every experience of grief, every heartbreak… all of it made me who I am today — someone I’m really proud of. But I’m still not perfect. And I’d never pretend to be. I make a ton of mistakes all the time. I think that’s why I’m so empathetic towards others. The world would be such a better place if we had more empathy for one another. If we showed more kindness to each other. So long as people don’t mistake your kindness for weakness or your silence for naïveté. But we should strive to remember that everyone we encounter is going through something… something that we have absolutely no clue about.

(I titled this the Kidd in the Arena for two reasons… (1) Because The Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt is one of my all-time favorites and (2) because I’m currently watching The Man in The Arena on ESPN+ or Hulu about Tom Brady and, let me just say, it’s a great watch if you're looking for one!)

Trust me — none of us get to choose the cards that we are dealt in life. But we absolutely can choose how we play them. I said something on instagram in December 2020 about validation. Some took it as a rant. Never really understood why. We look for validation in the things that are least important to our growth. Actually, there are many times when they’re the very things that hurt our growth. So stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison has been and always will be the thief of joy.  For a long time, I struggled with being able to speak up. It’s actually something that I am still working on today. I had to learn to be clearer at articulating feelings; more direct about my thoughts. Anytime I felt overwhelmed with expectation, I'd experience overwhelming anxiety. Even to the point of panic attacks. I’d sometimes forget English… hated being called on to read in school… crippling nerves for pretty much anything I wanted to do. It’s the worst feeling in the world when you’re keeping things buried… hidden… locked away. Literally carrying things around that you shouldn’t have to hold on to in the first place. Things that tear you apart from within. It feels as if you're drowning and you're not even submerged in anything. There’s no reason for you to be made to feel that way. And it took me a long time to figure that out. The best version of ourselves is completely attainable. Bad stretches in life are inevitable. Winston Churchill once said “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” We’ve gotta get up every time we’re knocked down. You're not going to always want to. I for damn sure didn’t. But once you look outside yourself and look at the bigger picture of life being painted, you're actually the one that has been holding the brush the entire time. When you have people who truly believe in you. Genuinely care about you. Go to bat and (sometimes) war for you. You realize that you're not as alone as you thought you were. The outside noise won’t matter as much as you once thought it did. You quickly realize what matters is those who are on your journey with you and how you make those people feel. My ultimate goal in life isn’t to be remembered by what I do or who I’m related to. I don’t like judging people on the actions of proximity. Because every single person is an individual. We have absolutely 0 control over how other people respond to us. We only control how we respond to people. We control how we treat people. Individuality is an asset when utilized properly. It costs nothing to be a good person. So whatever it is that you're going through, just know you can and will get through it.

I just want to leave this world a better place than I found it. I want to be remembered for being a good person. Sure, there’ll be times when I stumble and fall. But I won’t stay down.